I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
