Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
