I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
