haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
