it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
