In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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