Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
