I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
