The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
