I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
