Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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