you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
