It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i've created a new STD.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
