I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
