i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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