The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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