He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
