I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
