Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
