So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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