I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
