I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
