guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What a dumb baby whore.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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