There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
