I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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