you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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