Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
