would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
