She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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