don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
