You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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