90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
