Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
