He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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