wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My ass is underappreciated
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
