It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
