Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
