I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
