i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
