What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
