I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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