we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
