You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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