yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
