I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
