I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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