FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
