I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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