Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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