nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
