Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
