PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
