we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think a kid would responsible me up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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